Melting the Ice: What to do when someone ignores you

QJ Yu @ Conscious Rewiring

Melting the social ice

I wave. No response. I call out "Hi". Still nothing. Am I invisible?

***

I'm usually very involved and engaged when I go to my kids school.

But there are 2 moms, every time when I see them, they would pretend not to see me.

I haven't even spoken to one of them.

Initially, I thought they indeed didn't see me. So I gesture out to greet them and say "Hi".

But with the same avoidance happening over and over again - I realize I looked stupid with my single-sided greets.

***

Apparently, I felt hurt.

I felt like empty space - completely ignored. Resentment and rebellion rose in me.

I didn't know what to do.

Should I ignore them too? Confront them? Pretend it doesn't bother me?

None of it felt right.

***

I have no clue what's going on in their mind.

But one thing I know - it's probably subconscious. Something about me triggers their instinctive aversions. They probably can't even explain it themselves.

***

It was a wall of ice in their subconscious mind, my simple "Hi" wasn't enough to thaw it.

What I needed is to re-engage with their conscious mind, having them re-experience me as a person, and build some positive feelings from the interaction - instead of leaving them being stuck in their unconscious negative feelings.

***

So how do I melt the ice in their subconscious mind?

I knew I needed a new approach. But what?

***

Then, I thought of a friend who always made me seen.

No matter how busy he was, every time we run into each other, he would pause, lean forward, with a big curiosity on his face and ask "Hey, what you're up for this weekend?"

That question never resulted with any further social engagement - we never really hanged out during weekends.

But his interest and curiosity in my next steps, combined with his body gesture, made me feel really special. I felt flattered.

Such a quick interaction. But left me feel gooood around this person.

***

So this is what I'm gonna do:

Next time when I see those 2 moms, I'm going to lean in, with a big curiosity on my face and ask: "Hey, what are you up for this upcoming Spring Break?"

***

Have you ever faced social cold shoulders? What's your go-to move to melt the ice?